SPARKLING
Making vampires easy to target since 2008
(Hugh Jackman)
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i fail if i say first, so what do i say
I dunno if it holds true for this site, as well as ICHC, but we say nawt-secund over there. ^^ (Or just not-second, if you’d perfer. xD)
Actually said it…numb nuts.
hahaha thats awesome
Yes! Kill all the sparkling vampires! Kill them all!
*Hands Kelly a sharp stake* I agree…death to all sparkling gay vampires!!!!
why do sparkles equal gay? homophobic much?
If anything, the sparkly Twiltard leech-boy is anti-Gay: he’s a Mormon-style “family values” vamp who wants to marry the gal he’s stalking so she can have his baby-leech. I’d rather have gay vampires than sparkly stalker Mormon homophobe vampires…
how is he a stalker, mormon or a homophobe?
Well the first is easy, he stalk her …
xD
Except vampires DON’T sparkle. Kill all the ill-defined Wannabe mousse-tousled androgynites!
So what do we call them?
Bloodsucking fairies who abuse and stalk their love interest.
Nah, Leeches.
leeches is too cool for them
if protection is abuse, this is a sad world. last time i checked, he never hit her or oppressed her in any way.
Dragged her to the prom even though she was crying and didn’t want to go.
Disabled her car so she couldn’t see her friends.
Broke into her house and stared at her while she slept.
Sexed her so hard she was left with bruises all over her body and kept going even though she passed out.
Attempted to loan her to Jacob.
Please tell me that you’re joking…
I’m sorry, DWN. I can’t do that.
*twitch twitch*
Just wow… Thanks for your honesty though.
she is, because half of that didn´t even happen.
Oh no, it all happened, Kelly. Quit being in denial.
Maybe you should go reread the books, yes?
You’re all being rediculous!! since when couldn’t vampires be different?!?! And Edward had a reason for EVERYTHING he did that you pointed out, Orangutan.
dragging her to prom–he wanted her to have as many human experiences as possible because he knows how it is to not have them.
disabling her car–I believe it was so she couldn’t see Jacob, and at that time, he thought Jacob was horribly, horribly, dangerous and was worried for her safety, because he couldn’t even have seen her via mind-reading or through his sisters visions.
breaking into her house and staring at her–he wanted to know how she worked! he was confused!!
‘sexed’ her so hard that she bruised–um, yeah. how about, HE’S A FUDGING SUPER STRONG VAMPIRE WHO LOST CONTROL OF WHAT HE WAS DOING IN PASSION FOR A SMALL TIME AND WAS WORRIED AND REFUSED TO DO IT FOR QUITE SOME TIME AFTERWARDS!
attempted to ‘loan’ her to Jake–he wanted her to give up…um…I have a feeling Kelly hasn’t read the sequel so this is a major spoiler, but he wanted her to give up the baby and let them kill nessie pre-birth and thought she wanted kids and was willing to let Jake be the dad if that meant that Bella would give a safe, HUMAN conception to these children instead of what happened with nessie.
if you all hate twilight so much, stop wasting your time bashing it and start finding something better to do with your lives because spending your days bashing stuff for no reason is kinda pathetic.
um love…
*ridiculous…
And no matter the justification, breaking into someone house to watch them sleep is still a crime, it’s also very creepy.
And when has “he just lost control” ever been an acceptable excuse for any man who put bruises on a woman?
This is exactly why I hate Twilight. It makes people idiots.
uh…when the man is a freakin vampire with enough strength to rip full grown trees from their roots and throw them half way across the earth? that’s when ‘he just lost control’ is an acceptable excuse. when it was during sex too, and she had wanted to have sex with him forever. is she considered emo because she put herself in the position to be hurt?
So if a weak anemic girl was having sex with a body builder and he broke one of her ribs [I'm fishing, here] that would be fine, as long as it was for “wuv”? And when a 40 year olf man becomes obsessed with a high school girl, follows her home, and sneaks in her window at night, is that all okay, as long as it’s in the name of “twoo wuv”?
no, shoo, that’s not what I’m saying. because he isn’t physically 40 years old. he’s physically 17. and she was physically 18. and he’s another whole…species, I guess…and I don’t say ‘wuv’ or ‘twoo wuv’ because I’m not a ‘two year owd.’ I’m 14, mature for my age, and don’t appreciate everyone hating on vampires because they aren’t the norm in vampires books.
KTK You may THINK you are mature for your age, but saying things like that really don’t support the case.
He’s like actually 106 or something right? So age-wise he’s a century-year old pedo creeping after High School girls.
That’s nasty anyway you slice it.
We don’t hate on vampires. We hate on the series. The plotless sereis that is poorly-written and uses Mary-Sue self-inserts. And even if a seventeen year old became obsessed with an eighteen year-old girl and snuck into her house to watch her sleep, guess what, THAT’S ILLEGAL!
Squiggly, I’m not going to fuel that engine. I’m going to say that it doesn’t matter how mentally old because mentally old, Bella could be considered that old too, by most teens her age. and here’s a way to twist it…he’s still a TEEN. he’s in a TEEN’S body with TEEN hormones, even if they’ve been hidden for a long time. He is completely not a pedofile because all the male Cullens except for Emmett would be considered pedofiles if you’re going like that. But they’re still physically and emotionally however old they were when they were changed. except maybe emmett, who’s way childish, but that doesn’t count.
No, no, you moron. He’s not MENTALLY over 100, he’s PHYSICALLY over 100 but he doesn’t look it. And yes, I DO consider all of the male Cullens(any vampires for that matter) who go after human teens, pedos.
And his behavior is creepy at best and full on control freak stalker at worst. You DO NOT loan out the woman you love to another man nor do you disable her car to prevent her from going places. It does not matter that he isn’t the same species, he wants to be with a human, he’s going to have to play by human rules.
Good god, you’re an idiot, KTK. Just because he’s a vampire and is physically 17 DOES NOT MAKE IT LESS ILLEGAL.
I’m not the moron here. he’s PHYSICALLY 17 years old. HE NEVER CHANGED A LITTLE BIT FROM BEING HIS 17 YEAR OLD SELF! and what world are you in that all the cullens go after human girls???? And I already explained this once.
He wasn’t control freak. He tried to keep her out of danger, because she’s a danger magnet.
He never offered Jake a chance to have sex and a kid with his wife for cash or for ANYTHING. He misunderstood. He thought Bella wanted any kid, just any kid at all, and would give up Renesmee if she could have another one. He was wrong. He wasn’t loaning her out, he was trying to find a way for her to safely have a kid and was at his LAST resort.
he disabled her car for her SAFETY so she wouldn’t go running off to the wolves who he thought were even more dangerous than all his family when they’re thirsty together.
Oh, and she isn’t a human at the end of the series. she’s a sparkly, happy, VAMPIRE. he wanted to keep that human safe. it was his only choice to be with her. he tried leaving in New Moon. And guess what? She almost got killed about 10 times or so, BEFORE stupidly jumping off a cliff and having to go save Edward from killing himself because he thought she was dead! So yeah, they kinda HAVE to be together!
Yes, you ARE the idiot. Just because he is seventeen end she is eighteen does not make it okay FOR HIM TO BREAK INTO HER HOUSE AND WATCH HER WHILE SHE SLEEPS!
I now see that logic is futile in the face of a fangirl.
They do not have to be together, but they are too bloody stupid to realize that. And I know she isn’t a human at the end of the series, but she WAS at the beginning before Edward turned her. You think everything he does is justifiable because he has her “safety” in mind, but it’s NOT. If someone locked their girlfriend in a basement for 5 years would it be okay if they were doing it for “safety”. The answer is NO, NO IT ISN’T. And they prove just how dumb they both are when they split up and decide to kill themselves because they are not with each other. Romeo and Juliet suicides are not romantic, they are tragic and idiotic. You cannot just KILL YOURSELF OVER SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY LEFT YOU. No wait, I take that back. Do whatever you want with yourself, but I stand by my statement that it’s a STUPID thing to do.
And Bella wouldn’t be in so much danger if she’s wasn’t so freaking DUMB. Obviously vampires are dangerous, and committing yourself entirely to one who frequently “loses control” of himself is RETARDED.
The behavior they both exhibit is an appealing thing to teach teen girls. Meyer glorifies this behavior and that’s totally UNACCEPTABLE. It is NOT OKAY to do things like that in real life and so many girls are now in love with the idea of a man thinking he knows absolutely what’s best, who stalks, and who controls ever aspect and THAT’S JUST PLAIN WRONG.
You can never win against a fangirl. They will destroy you with Lolspeak, Texting abbreviations, and bad grammar.
So say I’m having sex with a guy and he just ‘loses control’ and smacks me across the face or puts a hand around my throat because he was so lost in the moment it’s alright and acceptable? Honey, I don’t care about your opinion on vampires frankly but that’s just a disgusting thing to say whether he’s a vampire or not.
But all of that is so ~romantic~ because he ~loves~ her! He just knows what’s best for her and ~protects~ her from the meany, mean outside world because she is too fragile to face it herself! He’s doing it from the bottom of his still, cold, ~*sparkling*~ heart. He’s the perfect man!
If youre so opposed, why do you know all that? yeah, all that happened, but why sis you read all 4 books if you didnt like them? and anyway, this pic fails, cos vampires from twilight only sparkle in the sun xD
*why did you
~I~ read so I could better make fun of it, even though I hated it.
he did not drag her to the prom crying. that didn´t happen.
correction: disabled her car so she couldn´t go get herself killed.
yes, and she wanted it, so what´s the big deal?
yes, after she BEGGED him to do it. and she didn´t pass out! did you even read the book?
yes, because she was going to die from having his baby.
TRUE TO THAT LOL XD
Since they have skin that’s as hard as rock, I say we call them golems. Of course that also means that the guy in the picture might want to invest in some dynamite.
Sparkelpires
love. you.
What a horrible film.
what a horrible book.
What a horrible fandom
What a horrible everything to do with twilight (man, i failed at that comment!XD)
stop wasting your time bashing something you don’t like. it’s pathetic. more pathetic than anything I’ve ever seen.
What a horrible excuse for a human being. ^^
me?
And the writer of this travesty of a series. Burn her, I say!
you’re the one who’s being prejudiced against a vampire because he isn’t a dracula copycat. and burning her? a little over dramatic, doncha think?
You guys are really annoying. I’m a fangirl, but you guys, obsessing over how stupid anything that isn’t dracula copycats(I don’t give a care what his ‘real’ last name is) aren’t fangirls of him? Is the difference that our book is new? or is it just that Edward has the nerve to not be evil?
No, no, no. We are innocently pointing out the flaws in the sereis to which you so desperately cling, for fear of never finding your vampire soul mate.
Erm…people commit/don’t commit suicide for various reasons. The fact that a few people started reading a crappy series about Mary-Sue/self-insert, sparkling vampires does not lessen my dislike for the series. People probably decided not to kill themselves because they love the Jonas Brothers, too. I dunno, I heard a girl at my school had been thinking about killing herself until she met this kid, Cody, who is the biggest user/douche bag/jerk you will EVER meet. He cares about nobody’s feelings and manipulates people for entertainment, but apparently, she didn’t kill herself “because of him”. People have also probably been “saved” because of Amy Winehouse, Hannah Montana, and maybe an abusive boyfriend or two. So, because some people decided life didn’t life didn’t suck as bad as they thought doesn’t mean Stephenie Meyer wrote a good story.
Well, I’m willing to sparkle or whatever to get Hugh Jackman to come after me!
Ditto
Thirded.
Fourthed?
you sound like my mom XD
I don’t get it…didn’t VH come out in like 04?
Also, those vampires have been sparkling since 2005. I am ashamed that I know that.
It’s okay. Here’s some Interview With A Vampire, and Dracula.
Yes, but the movie Twilight (which is what the part about sparkling vampires is making fun of) came out in 2008.
meh… this isn’t that funny if you haven’t seen Twilight as anyone who isn’t female between the ages of 12 and 16
So, Dave… that’s a strange name for a 12-16 yearold female.
Can’t really see myself raping a girl named “Dave”. That’d be too strange.
it just isn´t funny when people won´t stop moaning about something as trivial as sparkles.
Silly fangirl. You will never understand.
REAL VAMPIRES DON’T SPARKLE! When hit with sunlight..they DIE!
EXACTLY!
Abandon Twilight for something real,like Bloodline and Bloodline Reckoning.
They’re about the Tepes (Dracula for those too clueless to know his real last name) bloodline,quite thrilling and sparkle free =D
oh, i get it, so this is a vampire nerd thing. it doesn´t fit with the rest of the genre, so you have to hate it…. how retarded. just let it go, it´s a kids book. no one´s comparing it to any of the good stuff.
the ONLY time a vampire should sparkle is after being set on fire, and thats less sparkle, more spark
why the heck not? it´s FICTION.
Except that, as a horror writer, if you use a HORROR GENRE monster in young adult fiction then you need to at least adhere to certain aspects of the beast. The werewolf over the years has evolved into a full wolf being on two legs with the body of a guy but covered in fur and a full wolves head. Vampires should not be able to walk in the sun. The sun is the opposite of them. They get their immortality through ‘the devil’ and the sun is considered God, so therefore when confronted with God’s rays they burn. That’s the reason WHY they burn, and therefore continue to do so. Or, if you’re going to deviate from the old world religious aspect at least make it to where it’s a virus that makes you allergic to the sun and you start to blister horribly. It’s not hard.
~~~~~~~
And as a fellow writer who has READ the book, the first one, and regret those two days because I could have been reading good literature, I have to say she’s not even a good author. And for someone who is getting worked up over not being a fangirl you sure are bristling quite readily at Smeyers getting dissed.
This. Right here.
Totally hit the nail on the head.
=)
As a HORROR GENRE expert, you might want to give Dracula a read sometime.
Hint: He’s the original vampire who had no problem going out in daylight, except a slight weakening of his strength.
The really sad thing is, I’m also a writer, but for two years was afflicted by Twilightfangirlism. Then I realized something. Vampyres don’t sparkle in sunlight. They INCINERATE. There are only two who don’t. Blade (Is he considered a vamp or just a half-vamp? I say vamp) and Dracula.
I also stopped reading it because I realized how much time I was wasting with Mrs. no-talent when I could have finished The Stand! Twice!
I so agree. I hated those books and I want those minutes of my life back. I’m ashamed to say that I used to like them until I realized that it was indeed not good and so I moved on to studying Tepes and reading real vampire literature.
what’s considered ‘real’ vampire literature than?? anything bloody, gut-filled, and with vampires who are pure evil?
they do have some of their traits. I am a fellow writer who has read the book too. Vampires–the only thing vampires NEED to be considered vampires is the need to drink blood. nothing else. not all of your guys’ ‘they have to be basically half-copies of dracula’ junk! and the werewolves, they’re half wolf, half human! That’s all you need!! YOu guys should all hate at least HALF of the vampire books out there then! ever read house of night by P.C. and Kristen Cast? according to your criteria for proper vampires, these vampires are totally off because they can be in sun without dying.
KTK…. this is late… but my hate has been brooding for so long now. Vampires are an esteemed mythology that has been around for… oh lets just say… about THREE HUNDRED YEARS! (actually just the term has been around for 300 years, vampires themselves date back to The Mesopotamians, but if you are reading twilight you obviously haven’t gone in depth with ANYTHING) These technically aren’t vampires, or werewolves (which have been around for longer) because they don’t follow all of the traits of a vampire only some. Even if they aren’t real creatures they have a set fictional makeup, THAT CAN’T BE CHANGED. oh yeah and vampires are evil, they are the spawn of satan and everything demonic, THEY ARE DEMONS! Thats not even my biggest pet peeve with the books either. i will admit that i read them to see what the hype was about, and i figured it out. It’s a crappy love story, a perfect book for teenage girls, IT ISN’T GOOD LITERATURE! no matter what you say. Good literature would be “The Road – Cormac Mcarthy” (while on the topic of vampires “Salems Lot – Stephen King”, “Gun with occasional music” “House Of Leaves” and plentiful others. But you probably haven’t reached that level of reading ability yet, grade school is tough isnt it?
IT’S NOT A KIDS BOOK. It’s a Teen Romance Novel! WHERE DOES THAT LAND AS A KID’S BOOK?
Teenagers are still technically children.
What? A KID’S book? I think it isn’t for kids…
It’s not for kids, its not for teens, its not for adult, its not for old vegetable-people sitting in nursing homes…
hmm, I kinda prefer romances that are more up-to-date than ‘I vill SUCK your BLOOD!’ and stealing beautiful girls and all that junk. I prefer new, paranormal, fantasy, that doesn’t basically call all things in one species evil.
So, you refuse to read books about REAL vampires because they’re not new? Or is it about the lack of sparkles?
I don’t refuse to read books about ANOTHER STYLE OF VAMPIRES. not ‘real.’ just another style. I refuse to read dracula because I can’t stand how evil he is and how stupid the whole story seems to be. The whole plot seems like a big bore with no big, good events, that would actually get me interested, and no love, from what I could tell. an evil vampire steals a girl he likes and he’s not allowed to like her or take her so they have to attack her. whoop whoop. Nosferatu, maybe I’ll read it, just because it’s a different kind of vampire. I’ve read many books about vampires. and I know another one that has them awake during daylight. wanna go attack the fans of the House Of Night series too? or maybe you’d prefer Sucks to Be Me fans to be forced to defend the book for the stupidest reasons of being up during the day? Just because I don’t hate every book that has any vampire who isn’t evil, you all think that I’ve only read twilight. I kinda have over 25 vampires books. over half of them have nothing to do with Twilight, thank you. Just because I didn’t start my obsession into vampires on dracula or an older, ‘classic’ book, doesn’t mean I don’t have good taste in books. (And don’t say that it’s because I like twilight. maybe I have a wide range of books I love, including twilight and House of Night, and many other ones, vampire and non-vampire related.)
For the record, though I don’t like what Meyer has done to the vampire mythology, that is NOT why I don’t like the books.
I don’t like the books because I have a serious problem with the way the main characters(Edward in particular) behave. And I certainly don’t appreciate the fans, who as soon as I say something harsh about Cullen, threaten to disembowel me for insulting their major fictional crush.
i´m not a fangirl, hon. it´s just retarded to get all worked up over sparkles. so the vampies have sparkles. so what?
Vampires dont sparkle “hon”
thats just retarded
is being creative ‘retarded’? no.
everyone can write what they want and just because it’s not the same as what you’re used to, doesn’t make it bad.
Sure! They can write about whatever they want! As long as they don’t SUCK at writing, like Meyer. The majority of her characters are all Mary-Sue self-inserts. And she is a thesaurus whore.
This may be over stating the obvious but REAL VAMPIRES DON’T EXIST! LOL Screw the whole sparkling argument…
The reason people are ‘moaning’ about something as trivial as sparkles is because sparkles are trivial.
Why should any character in the movie care that a vampire sparkles? So why should I care as a viewer that a vampire sparkles?
I mean, crap, I can go work out and take my shirt off and I’ll sparkle in the sun, but I’m not hunted down by my neighbors as a vampire.
My point is: Sparkley vampires are dumb and should be hated.
because the author needed to give them a reason for not coming out into the sunlight, and she isn´t very creative.
Oh well that just makes everything okay then doesn’t it!
I just gots to rush myslef out to ye olde bookstore and get me some of that with a quickness.
I appreciate the uncreative in my life keeps things simple, and simple agrees with me.
lol.. good comment
How about they die if they come out in the sunlight? Good enough reason for every other normal vampire.
How cute, the little fairy boy pothead that monitors this site, the one who approves the same lame joke for the billionth time, got all offended at my comment and deleted it. It’s kind of precious in a way, him pretending he has some kind of standards.
You’d look much better set on fire.
Sooo… What’s this ‘sparkle’ of which we speak? >_<;
The movie/book Twilight. If you haven’t heard of, seen, and/or read it, I envy you.
I do some work for the emergency response vehicles in Forks. I used to like taking trips there for several days to work. Now that the movie has come out and 12-18 year old girls drag there entire families or boyfriends there to see the sites I dread getting a service call.
Honestly, that is the stupidiest thing I’ve ever heard. I mean, sure, Twilight takes place there. But what do you think you’re going to see? It’s a rainy town in Washington. There are no landmarks or anything. At least, none that the Twilighters would care about. “OMG, see this footprint?! EDWARD MUST HAVE MADE IT!” “OMG, maybe a vampire will sneak into my hotel room window and watch me sleep! OMG, I can’t wait! SQUEE!”
Hey, if you think about it, this kind of has a double meaning!!
Easy targets for slayers, easy targets to be made fun of!! Yes?
Just sayin’!
And for anyone who thinks this joke is old, that may be true, but the sparkling will forever be stupid!!!
So effing true.
Vampire>Sparklepire
End of story.
Hee hee, I lol’d
oh for the love of god, leave it alone already! they sparkle. who the f*** cares?????
How about anyone who knows what a vampire IS? lol.
Vampires are dark creatures of the NIGHT, who seduce to kill, and bite humans and drink their blood… you know, because they have fangs and all. Bottom line. That’s all there is to them.
They don’t glitter in the sunlight and go to high school. I’m surprised the book didn’t have them riding on unicorns and picking flowers.
Hey, and don’t forget the part where the only way to kill them is cutting them into pieces and setting them on fire! That’s as awesome as the sparkling!! Since this is in print, I’m being sarcastic.
vampires are NOT REAL, so who gives a flying crap what they do with a FICTIONAL character? it´s not real, so anything goes! that´s what makes it fictional.
Of course they are not real.
But, you have a fictional monster, that’s supposed to do certain things and have certain qualities that are unique to them and what makes them that monster…
and then you read a book where they are pretty much the opposite of what you’ve always read about them as. It doesnt make a whole lot of sense, why call them vampires at all if they can be awake during the day and not drink human blood?
And SPARKLE while they are doing it…..
Chill out, kiddo. I’ve read all the Twlight books myself.. and had to force myself through that last one cause I already spent money on it. but I am very picky as to what makes a good book. A lot of kids like it so I guess thats a good thing that the young ones want to read.
why does a fictional monster have to do anything specific? especially when it´s just sparkles. it´s not like having sparkles diminishes anything. it´s just a retarded little reason the author made up to give them a reason to not go into sunlight.
anyway, vampires have always been changing. dracula was nothing like the original vampire stories, so where do you draw the line?
i´m not freaking out on you, okay, i just think that this is a stupid reason to get all upset… hate the writing, because i´m a fan and i still know that sucks.
OK. So, here’s an example:
Godzilla. A *fictional* monster. Gigantic, green, reptile-dinosaur-like creature that stomps through cities, breaks stuff, etc… We all know of him and we all know the drill.
What if someone made a book/movie about Godzilla. But, in this movie, Godzilla is a orange dinosaur creature, the size of a cat, and he tap dances for a living. Would he still be Godzilla?
Sorry, goofy example. But Twlight vamps can be awake during the day and not drink human blood. Which are pretty much the two main things that make a vampire, a vampire. Doesnt matter if in one legend they have one nostril, or furry feet in another… bottom line is they are creatures of the night that drink human blood. So really, in Twilight, they are just dudes that live forever and dont age.
I should probably take a nap now… =P
from what I’ve heard, vampires can drink ANY blood. it doesn’t have to be human.
Really…. ummmm let me check with hundreds of years of ancient history… NOPE it has to come straight from a human, are you thinking chupacabra? no wait those don’t sparkle either…. They are not vampires, they are just super old guys who like to drink blood with dinner on a friday night, FACE IT
Could you please not put spaces before and after your apostrophes? That’s not how they work. Proper grammar is your friend.
Kelly you clearly give a flying crap. You’ve commented most on this page. Ergo you give a crap. Since you believe people should not give a crap you are in essence a paradox. Go away and let the nice people have their fun.
I love you
Finally, someone that agrees with my rant
I love you
Oh for fsck’s sake… Here folk go, ranting about a piece of fiction that doesn’t fit other pieces of fiction but really aren’t bothered by the uber-bastardisation that is Van-Helsing… If you want to be pedantic about it: VH is an old man. He’s like Dumbledore or Obi-Wan Kenobi…
It seems to me that there’s an awful lot of literary snobbery here. There are plenty worse things than twilight and I think if it encourages people to read it can’t be that bad. Let the fangirls have their fun…
vampires only have to drink blood to be considered vampires. and I agree with Kelly that this is just stupid
oh, poor little fangirls… no more N’sync and Backstreet Boys to fawn over.. the poor neglected generation Y!
what do fangirls have to do with this? it´s just retarded that people are so obsessed with sparkles on a vampire, like it´s some kind of sin. it´s a story book, so why does it even matter? anything in fiction can be changed.
Omaigosh, this is brilliant. XD I often wonder what would happen to all the fangirls if Van Helsing went after Edward…-fanfiction thoughts spring to mind- Ahh, that would be awesome.
As one of mah very ‘wise’ friends said, “A vegetarian vampire…who sparkles. Doesn’t that just SCREAM bestseller??”
Long live Van Helsing!
If Van helsing actually went after Edward, he A) couldn’t kill him if he wanted to and B) all of the “fangirls” would tackle and kill him. That is, of corse, if Edward was real.
What makes you think that Van Helsing couldn’t kill Edward?
Yeah, honestly, Van Helsing is the super ultra monster hunter who can kill anything in the world. And he would have to succeed, because Edward just HAS to die. I am an official Edward hater, and I’m not even going to bother reading Breaking Dawn, I suffered enough through the first three books.
EDWARD DOESN’T DIE! BELLA GETS PREGNANT WITH A HALF-VAMPIRE/HUMAN HYBRID! -spoiler- Heh heh.
P.S. JACOB IMPRINTS ON THE VAMPIRE/HUMAN DULLY-SPARKLING NEWBORN HYBRID. And they all live happily ever after, sparkling and picking flowers and riding unicorns and having vampire sex. The end.
You’re horrible XD
I love you to XD
I actually get that a lot. xD
The funnest thing is that it’s true!
Such a rubbish book…
Nice to know that he imprints on an infant…
I know. It’s so creepy and perverted. I can certainly see what all the twelve year-old hype is about now.
in terms of fanfiction it would be van helsing going after edward for a whole different sent of reasons *cringes*
unwarranted slash fiction aside… van helsing would sooo win
O_o
That scarred me for life.
No wonder vampires want to eat this guy. Totally GORGE.
eat?
I luvs the Anti-Twilight ones. ON WITH THE KILLING!!
Oddly enough, I don’t recall ever seeing Nosferatu sparkle.
Best… vampire… ever! ^^
I think I saw a vampire at my house. Can you come and check it out please Hugh??
Are you sure he’s not in there, Hugh? Try the bedroom, I think I saw him hide under my pillow…
Instead of talking about killing vampires and sparklires, can we talk about killing the author of the mess that made so many annoying fangirls annoyingly annoy us with their annoying “SQUEEE”s??
yes, that would be nice, however it’s only slightly illegal. One can always dream though, haha.
It’s only illegal if you get caught.
Push her off a cliff.
XD
the squeeing hurts my poor ears.
Cinema was great. I yelled baker when he was gonna say i’m a vampire!
The fangirls were rabid…o.O
Oh yes, they do get mad when you ruin their 15th+ viewing of the movie…
Oh my god not another effing ‘We Hate Sparkling Vampires’ caption.
what, there’s a caption there??? All I saw was the lovely Hugh Jackman.
now I in no way want to defend this teeny-bopper emo sparkly vampire crapfest known as Twilight, but the endless repetitive captions get a bit tiresome. Some of the anti-twilight fans come off just as dorky as the twilight fans in the simpsons comic book guy kind of way. As for myself, I haven’t seen the film and have no plans to except maybe as a Rifftrax
at this point, the anti twilights are more annoying than all the twilight fans… all their snobbery.
it’s so damn annoying, i know! i don’t broadcast my hate for it, but i still get fans having a go at me.
So much trouble over a stupid book! Has this ever happened with another novel? it would be interesting too see how long thaat one took to die down.
I don’t broadcasst my hatred either, but someone just HAS to come up and go : “You like Twilight?” And then my polite no enrages them…
What pedants!
The ongoing whine-fest surrounding Twilight makes me think of the book “Tough Guide to Fantasyland” by Diana Wynne Jones. In it she pokes fun at the standard characters, settings, and plots found in the majority of modern fantasy.
It’s ridiculous to canonize certain aspects of vampire legend and protest when they’re not followed to the letter. Vampire-like superstitions have been around since ancient Persia and Babylonia, and there are MANY varieties. (Read more on wikipedia if you’re interested: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vampire#Description_and_common_attributes ) And while there are some characteristics that are generally accepted, the modern vampire stereotype is exactly that – stereotype. Someone dreamed – yes, Twilight came from a dream Stephanie Meyer had – of a vampire and a girl falling in love, and started writing it down, and just kept writing; now all these vampire fanboys are up in arms cause she’s got the facts wrong. There are NO facts about vampires, because they are FICTION. Bulgarian vampires only have one nostril. Brazilian vampires have furry feet. Serbian vampires are staked through the stomach, not the heart. In Saxon Germany, a lemon was placed in a suspected vampire’s mouth. And Stephanie Meyer’s vampires have skin hard as stone which glitters in sunlight.
It’s all fantasy. Fantasy is meant to entertain. If you don’t find this particular story entertaining, read Bram Stoker or John Polidori and feel safe with your stereotypical vampires.
God help us when the New Moon movie comes out and the werewolf fanboys whine about imprinting.
Oh, and there’s the vampire that knocks on your door and if you say “come in” it goes away, comes back when you’re asleep and sit on your chest so you suffocate!
… There was one that drank milk too…
However, all the ancient myths and “canon” literature have a common denominator. They are EVIL. SM’s sparkle-pyres are not evil, they’re romantic, misunderstood, abusive husband-trailer-park-controlling bastards.
The other canonical common is that it’s all WELL WRITTEN. SM’s crap reads like a dime store romance novel, and its messages of submission and twisted romance are aimed at 13-19 year old girls.
Another common thread in classic vampire stories is that they are UNNATURAL. They don’t do what normal people do – go out in the sun, have babies, eat food. They are the embodiment of the dark and unknown. This is what makes vampires interesting (and scary.) SM’s creatures are all Mary Sues. There’s no downside to their existence.
I completly dissagree Twilight rocks!
*Cheers* A fangirl politely expressing her views! You go! Now let me politely express my view: I don’t like Twilight.
See, that’s how to get along.
Wait…you like Twilight? And you…didn’t swear or type in all caps to express your opinion? Whoa, something yo don’t see everyday!
The whole effing point is, it’s stupid! They glitter in the sun, (aww) and the ONLY way to kill them is to chop them into pieces and set them on fire!! I’m all for creating your own world with different variations, but to me it sounds like something a child with no imagination made up!! That’s my problem with it.
I don’t care if Abraham Van Helsing is supposed to be an old man, Van Helsing is awesome.
And Universal made it, and they are the company that did all of the original horror flicks, so it’s only right that they should do this movie.
Meyerpires can eat silver arrows……….then burned and their ashes spread at a crossroads.
EPIC FAIL!!!!! twilight came out in 2005 it just didn’t become popular until 2008, again i say, EPIC FAIL!!!!
Yay! Hugh Jackman over Edward any day! rawrr…
KILL IT!
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
I went to see Twilight because i thought it was an action movie,
The trailer at IGN made it look like one, i was wrong so wrong
there there, have a cookie for your pain
Also Van Helsing defeated the Dracula from the Hellsing manga and made it his b*tch.
Silly Hugh Jackman! Sparkling vampires are for kids!
While reading Twilight and getting to the part where he steps into the sun, I was getting all excited. I thought there’d be some transformation into a horrible beast or something. But he sparkles?!
Haha, I can just imagine your face as you read that part xD
Personally, I liked Twilight until the hype came, and then the slow but steady decline of girl’s my age abillity to stand people who dislike something they don’t.
So I decided to read Twilight again, becuase it suprised me that, at that point, I liked the same book series as some chavs, and I read the series again, and it actually creeped me out- the aforementioned stalking, bruising, jumping off cliffs and disabling cars senarios were the main culprits.
Though I do think that it’s good more people are reading, would it kill them to read something by a medicore- at best- author.
But, to be fair, the problem is that there aren’t many books for teenagers that will grab peoples attention like Twilight did, Harry Potter worked for a while, but then everyone- except me apparently- decided it was for kids, but then there was Twilight which was about big, scary vampires that could break laws and no one cared, so really, we just need a few really good book series for teenagers, and everyone will be happy, and , hopefully, no one will be as protective/prone to plot murder plots towards Twilight.
*breathes in and out and skips off to daydream about that day*
*to not read something by a . . .
I forgot what this was and read the email anyway, but let me just tell you, I DO read other books, I just love twilight because it basically SAVED my life. I was going to KILL myself because of events similar, but not really close to, the books. Because of them, I didn’t. And it’s not like I don’t see how crummy the writing is. No dur, what else can you expect from someone who never wrote a real story before? But the events in the series can bring people out of their suckish worlds and into one where true love exists. and one that’s nothing like this world. I’ve read plenty of other better writings, but I still love twilight. Is it wrong to love something? And I don’t get why everyone despises sparkling vampires. Is it wrong to have an imagination too? I don’t think it’s fair to hate a series because it’s popular. That’s when most of these people found out about twilight and I know that at least half of them never read it. I’m not going to stop liking something because it’s popular or because it’s not popular.
You were going to kill yourself because you fell in love with a sparkling vampire (that’s basically the only event in the book)?
Oh, and I know someone else, who’s true love left for two years, and they decided they could date other people. She was badly abused by one of her boyfriends in that time, and while she wasn’t close to killing herself like I, twilight still saved her. And I know what I said wasn’t close to TWILIGHT, but the sequel, NEW MOON, contains Edward LEAVING her among other things. I’d say mine was worse.
I had real depression, I had real despair, I had real reason for offing myself and spent a long time trying to decide the best way how. But rather than daydreaming about a love that never will be, rather than letting myself become infatuated with delusions, I instead found a strange solace in Monty Python and South Park. They made me laugh to see the funny side of life and how truly ridiculous it is. Delusions are not therapy; they will only raise your hopes to sending you crashing down further later on. Laugh instead.
Everyone despises Twilight because the remarkable disrespect and arrogance Meyer had when she stole a mythological creature, battered it down, ripped it to shreds and instead stuck glitter on it rather taking a moment to research the creature itself, to understand its purpose, why drinking blood was so evil, before she published the dreams she had about a sparkly prince who lay with her in a field. You would not make a zombie a ballet dancer, you would not make an elf a headspinning, ghetto trash, break dancing rapper. And you would not make a dragon into a Shakespeare quoting ponce who cared only whether his scales made him look fat. Then why take a blood drinking horror creature who stalks the living and force glitter on him? It’s not about imagination here. It’s about common sense.
it’s a freaking MYTH. That means, it’s not REAL, which means you can do WHATEVER you want with it! Who said that all vampires had to be exactly the same?? Did someone yell at Bram for writing Dracula? Because DRACULA isn’t the original vampire either, but because it’s ‘classic’ it’s all okay. If bram had decided to make them sparkle half of you would think non-sparkly vampires were the most idiot thing ever. it’s not called ‘disrespectful’ or arrogant when you make your own vampire. I can give you like, 20 different types of vampires you now have to hate because they aren’t ‘original’ or ‘evil’ and what if I want an elf like the one you described? not all elves have to be the same, and neither do all dragons and all zombies. In fact, why not? because they’re all ‘disrespectful?’ when is the REAL ‘myth-protecting squad’ gonna come and kill all of my favorite authors for not doing everything their way? That’s like saying that humans can’t be different. There are different ways of doing things, and just because it’s not YOUR way, you shouldn’t hate it.
No, but the ‘Literature-Protecting Squad’ should slay Meyer for producing that travesty of a series. With flat Mary-Sue/self-insert characters and no plot.
It has a plot. you just can’t see it because your blinded by sparklehating. And I’ll remember that if you actually do kill her
. Literature protecting, or dracula protecting? you guys just aren’t open to anything new.
No-no-no-no. Twilight had the tiniest hint of a plot that showed up at the end of the book, but it quickly disappeared.
You quite clearly missed my point entirely. You are so far away from my point that it’s only a dot to you. And you have become hysterical from the way you are arguing. I never said all vampires had to be the same, I never said you couldn’t be original. I meant you had to respect the original premise of the myth, but Meyer stuck glitter on that too. So what if its only a myth? So’s religion but its still shown respect throughout the world, even if that respect isnt always deserved.
And, my dear, if you want elves and dragons and zombies like that, then you clearly have no taste. But as you’re a fan of Meyer I dont need to further that point; its blindingly obvious
I wasn’t being literal, for gods sake. I don’t really want vampires like that, and I understand what you mean. So, what are you saying? you can be ‘original’ as long as you stay a slave to being like everyone else in keeping vampires evil creatures of the night who have no right being good ever? hm?
No, once again you are forcing words down another persons throat. Please refrain from doing that. When you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME both. I believe a vampire can be anything, good, evil, night walking, day walking, a lover, a hater, but they must be true to the premise that they feast off of HUMAN blood and that they are the undead, ie corpses ie dead things. I’m sure Morticians are blinded by all those sparkly dead people in the morgues.
I think it’s fine to change the idea of a vampire, there’s nothing wrong with that. Evolution is just another part of the world of fantasy creatures and myths and legends. So yes, vampires can be good and evil and you can either like twilight or not like it or be indifferent. The point is, this is funny. Stop fighting over twilight and enjoy the wonder that is roflrazzi and hugh jackman.
A Myth-Protecting Squad ?
Sounds FUN
Anyone want to help me set this up ?
(not meaning offenceto KTK, but you have to admit that the idea of this squad is pretty cool)
yah, except for the killing all original versions of mythical creatures and the authors who create them.
I catch the joke in the lolceleb here.
Now if there are any Twifans out there don’t hurt me for stating my point.
I’ve tried reading the first book and I couldn’t because it didn’t pull me into a readers world so to speak. And this was before watching the movie of the same name. I credit SM with trying to think outside of the what a vampire should be box, But people already have what a Mindset for vampires, Oh and Dracula was based on TWO people one male and female. Elizabeth Báthory ,The Blood Countess, and Vlad III the impaler. (did I spell it right?)
You trying to read a book that doesn’t interest you none what so ever. I’ll like to point out that I’m not a Twi-hater nor a twi-fan.
I just want to say this: Twilight vampires are “real vampires” because all vampires are different. Some vampires burn, some sparkle, some have needle fangs, some have none at all, and others have huge fangs. Some are really re-animated corpses. Some are just people who subsist on blood. Some are gremlin-like creatures. Some are gorgeous. Others are people with a horrid disease, in contrast with some that have a chosen, comfortable lifestyle. I could go on, but I just wanted to give some examples of different vampires, so people couldn’t say that any vampire “is fake” because they are different.
DESTROY THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JOIN MY MINION HELSING WITH ANY WEAPON YOU HAVE AND DESTROY ALL SPARKLY OR SATANIC VAMPIRES YOU SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, the vampire is, as a creature, somewhat open to interpretation. I think the proble that most people have with the Twilight vampires is that they (and the werewolves) feel so sanitized. They’re sparkly, Bella’s initial experience is with the vegan nicey-nicey Cullen family. While I suppose this doesn’t disqualify them as vampires, it doesn’t endear them to most vampire lovers.
More serious problems? It’s populist literature (I read the first two books, and despite some interesting parts in #2 I couldn’t get myself to read any more) that glorifies a bad relationship. I don’t mean things like him disabling her car (although that’s pretty bad), I mean the emotional component – he is continually hot and cold, and when he *abruptly* leaves her she more or less shuts down. They’re so co-dependant it’s practically diseased. So no, not abusive, but very, very unhealthy and probably shouldn’t be held up as an example of a desirable romance.
And I don’t know about the other movies, but the first one was really, really terrible. Best of luck to the actors once they’re free of the series.
Actually, Van Helsing was a pretty bad movie as well, but I was too distracted by Hugh Jackman to notice…
Same here!
Twilight takes everything awesome (if horrible and undesirable) about vampires and cr@ps it into a big tub of glitter. If this is what being a vampire means – why the #$%& NOT be a vampire?
What I always found fascinating about vampires was the idea that they were monsters in a way that wasn’t INhuman, but EXTRAhuman. They have everything society asks for (charm, attractiveness) enough to let them pass in society so they can feed on it. Also key is the idea that there’s really nothing you can do to protect a loved one from a vampire. I don’t think these were true for Meyer’s vampires, which while it’s her choice made me kind of sad.
Let’s face it, the books are essentially sanitized Harlequin Romances with fangs.