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I’ve fought against aliens, fugitives, convicted women, cowboys & Batman. Vampires who sparkle in the sunlight are all yours.
(Tommy Lee Jones)
Picture by: dunno source via our lol builder. Caption by: fyrewulf
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This is funny, original, and outstanding. It should be nominated for an artistic award. The previous sentence is what someone who drank the “bandwagon water” would say.
I concur. (And not just because I love Tommy Lee to distraction.)
sometimes what is popular IS what is right. unless you want to non-conform and be just like the non-conformists.
also, being annoyingly anti-anti twilight isnt being any better than being annoyingly anti-twilight.
twilight was written as poorly as fan fiction….being anti-twilight is being pro-well written literature….
i agree to PeachyKat and foop, and, who doesn’t love Tommy Lee?
I, for one, I’m tired of the sparkling vampire jokes. Sheesh. They’re old.
I’m starting to agree. Well…actually, no, I’m not. There just so funny, imo! I never get tired of them! But, since people are getting tired of them, I think there should be a break from them. Maybe a special “Sparkle Jokeless Month” or something like that.
I agree completely. Now I hear more people complaining about twilight than people talking about how “great” it is. It’s becoming just as annoying as OMGROBERTPATTINSONISHAWT1!!!!!!!!!111TWILIGHTTWILIGHT
TWILIGHTTWILIGHTTWILIGHTTWILIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111
And even more so, the BIGGEST complaint I see is not the unoriginality, the horrible, HORRIBLE acting, the bad directing, graphics, or casting. NOt the writing, not the utter fanfic-ness of it. It’s the sparkling. That’s pretty much ALL I see. And there is so much worse things in the book than that.
the anti-twilighters are annoying me even more than the twilighters because of that. they flip out over something as meaningless as sparkles, because it violates their fixed idea of what a vampire should be. no mention of bad writing, just OMG they put sparkles on my beloved bad-ass vampires.
Oh so THAT’S what this is about – Twilight. Ok, I get it now, lol.
I hate Twilight. I always have. And I hate it for all the reasons kat mentioned.
I actually do belong to an anti-Twilight facebook group, and it does get rather irritating that the only bad thing they can say about Twilight is “real vampires don’t sparkle!”
My friends are split into two very irritating groups.
The “Team Edward” groupies that have to talk about Twlight constantly, and make 456780987456789098775 status updates a day about watching Twilight, re-reading Twilight, listening to the Twilight soundtrack, or thinking about Twilight.
The other half are “Stephanie Meyers ru9ined vampires because she made them SPARKLE!!!!!! ZOMG!!!”
I keep to myself these days.
I really don’t get what the hype is all about.. I heard the book was decent, but the movie was horrid..
the movie was awful, and the book wasn’t that great. The hype is that though the book sucks, and the movie sucks harder, there’s all these people who breathe twilight and refuse to shut up about it and insist that it’s “the awesomest book ever.” Stephen King said it was bad, Stephanie Meyers is too embarrassed to respond to it, and the fans are trying to insist that he’s either crazy (he may be, but he’s still good) or that he’s JEALOUS because he didn’t come up with it first. (Apparently Salem’s Lot never happened.)
Apparently Stephen King is a wandering nobody without any body of work to speak of… Yep, totally true…
To the two parent posters, I submit that just about every Twilight cultist who said King was jealous probably never picked up a book they didn’t have to and read it just for fun. Otherwise they probably would have realized pretty quickly how sour and nasty Meyer’s stories actually are.
I am curious how they said it with a straight face…
wait…………………………so because I read and liked Twilight, I only read bad books?
Darn, I’ll have to return Anna Karenina and Lord of the Rings. Darn, darn, double darn.
Poor Call of the Wild. He’s going back too. I guess I just read bad, unitelligent books, huh? What should I get instead?
There there dear, don’t feed the trolls. I can only speak for the first two books personally, but although I enjoyed parts of the second one, it wasn’t enough to keep me reading. The film was really, really bad, (again, can’t judge the other ones for not having seen them, but critical reviews haven’t been great). No doubt you do read good books, and can tell the difference between them and the Twilight “saga”. Just don’t tell me that you think Bella and Edward have a good relationship, or we shall have to have words, sir.
Just because you liked one bad book doesn’t mean all the books you like are bad. I really don’t think anyone said that. You’re just being sarcastic for the sake of trying to “get back” at people.
Suggestion: Read Anne Frank. That is REAL teen angst.
It’s dumb. Playing and simple. No one should love something that bad that much. What is this world coming to? I love Harry Potter. But I don’t devote my life to it. I’m not a 12 year old girl getting the tingles over werewolves and vampires.
I meant “plain”, not “playing”, hah, I iz dumb today too.
I didn’t even get the sparkle reference until I saw Twilight recently.
While I agree that vampires most likely do not sparkle, I thought it was a creative way for the author to justify vampiric avoidance of sunlight over the typical assumption that they’ll burst into flames. When he stepping into the light to show her I really expected something a bit more predatory or demonic seeming. Still, unique is good.
This picture is a blast though. Tommy Lee Jones rocks.
Actually, according to Meyer herself, the sparkling is supposed to be a hunting AID, not a hindrance.
Did she offer an actual explanation, or was she stumbling for stupid excuses for writing a novel a pre-teen could have written better?
an /has/ written better! Have you ever heard of “In the Forest of the Night” and “Demon in My View?” The first one (i’ve not yet read it) was written by a sixteen year old, the latter, a sequel, was kinda cliche’, but still better than Twilight.
And I am really not surprised. *I* probably could have written better stuff when I was four!
A deranged monkey on eight different painkillers with a partially-melted typewriter could crank out something better than Twilight.
You couldn’t be more right!
That’s awesome.
How is being a big sparkly beacon an aid? Wouldn’t it give things away or is she pulling the idea that people are drawn to the sparkly?
In that case, I advocate more sparkling to lure in idiots to be fed upon.
I can’t really imagine how sparkling would help. They have the speed and strength to take down animals without lures. And presuming their primary foodsource is humans, then wouldn’t it be to their benefit to blend in as much as possible? People are likely to run from suspicious (and yes sparkly) things. A vampire’s main skill has usually been, sensibly enough, to be very charming and hide within society, which is what makes them so insidiously dangerous. I don’t think Meyer was actually basing this on biology, just going for more of a “vampires are misunderstood” look.
I’m sick of stupid vampires, my god people there are other things, things that our real, out in the world… Every where i go its twilight this and vampire that… the book was decent, sure but enough is enough. the movie sucked.
How ever this post was kinda funny.
I AGREE KATY
the joke isn’t based on the SPARKLES, it’s just about the vamires in general, and that’s a well known, easily made-fun-of fact about them. i’m not saying i love the sparkle jokes either, but get used to ‘em, i don’t think they’re going anywhere anytime soon =/
OK, seriously, Twilight was a perfectly good movie for what it was, a girly teen love story. Jeez, where is it written that every vampire movie has to be a hardcore horror film like 30 Days of Night? That was good, Twilight was good.
Thank you. I am definitely NOT a ‘fangirl squeee omg robert Pattinson=theheartzorz’ but yes, it was more a good movie in that he treated her well, instead of like a cheap whore, as in so many love movies.
When they get into more of how he treats her, that treating her well becomes very hazy.
eh, I haven’t read the books, but I heard the movie filmed here was a very loose adaptation, and that’s fine by me lol
he treats her wonderfully. wait until you see what her friend jacob pulls. total sexual harassment and mental manipulation. at least edward looks out for her best interests.
oh yes.
That creepy over-controlling stalker type is SO sexy.
/eyeroll
Kinda reminds me of Jigsaw from the Saw series.
He was only trying to teach them a lesson, what’s the big deal?
it´s not stalking if she wants it, you know. and over-controlling… how horrible for him to stop her from getting herself killed!
Exactly! It’s not stalking! Just like it’s not rape if I love you!
I’ve said it elsewhere, and I’ll say it here: people miss the real problem with the Bellward (check the portmonteau ya’ll) relationship. It’s not so much the fact that he stalks her or disables her car, but is constantly switching between being clingy and pushing her away. When he leaves her (in about the worst way possible) she shuts down for months. They’re a twisted, co-dependant couple, which is *fine* – provided people recognize that this is not a relationship to aspire to. It’s unhealthy.
*rant complete*
ARE YOU KIDDING??!?!?!?!?
30 days of night was horrible! one of the WORST vampire movies ever. but i do agree twilight did capture its goal very well.
I disagree. I think twilight was terrible for a girly teen romance. Ten things I hate about you, Not Another Teen Movie, Never Been Kissed, Princess Diaries, West Side Story, Grease (musicals, even!) Were good for girly teen romances, twilight is just, Mary Sue meets and falls in “love” with the hot angsty teen with fangs that stalks her. At least the acting in the others are good.
I agree, romances don’t have to be bad movies or harlequins. Might be a bit too clever for preteens, but 100 days of summer was *excellent*.
The best vampire movie is Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Period! 30 Days of Night was OKAY and Twilight was dumb. Period!
Let’s see,I am not saying it is bad.I am saying that it gives out wrong messages.
On one side,we have Jacob.The semi-normal one.On the other side we have Edward,the one out of Meyers’ fantasy.In the end he gets the girl and it is fine.What irks me is the way she portrayed Bella.
Needy,Manipulative(Flirts with Jacob to get the news in the first book),wants to become a monster.Willing to leave her whole family just to sleep with a dead guy.Weak and idiotic at first and suddenly,she becomes the most important one.Plus she likes it when Edward act’s like a psycho and watches her sleep.Plus she lets Edward make all the decisions and dominate her life.As if she is living in medieval era.
Shouldn’t girls read this just for fun? Why are girls becoming like her?Dumping good boyfriends and looking for psychos?And physically assaulting anyone who says that the damn saga is bad?
Also Google MyLifeIsTwilight and you will see the epitome of human stupidity.
And this must be the best Twilight-related caption ever. Hands-down. Tommy Lee Jones=the man
WAFFLES
Potato or Belgium?
Wouldn’t you like some now?
_
Weeble and Bob win!!
Twilight fan baiting. How original! I bet everyone looking at this wishes they had thought of it…before the thousands of others that appeared before it. I’m no fan of the series, but seriously: yawn…
If making fun of twilight is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
vampire 90210 sucks
*Sigh*, keep beating that horse to death . . .
and he has played the same character in all of those films
…and every time it has been glorious.
VAMPIRES DON’T SPARKLE!!!
Now, Dracula….Dracula was a *REAL* vampire!
It’s fiction, dearest. ‘Dracula’ was made up. Edward may barely be recognizable as the classic, mythological vampire, but he’s still got the bare minimum. As much as I hate ‘Twilight’ for the quality, at least Stephanie was creative in re-VAMPing vampires. Sparkle, sparkle! :p
Err…. So’s Twilight. And so is the Vampire Legend. Only the Legends which the modern (and Victorian) types of Vampire Stories are based on are real – Vlad Tepes (otherwise known as Vlad the Impaler, his South African cousin is known as Vlad the Impala BTW
(Sorry!! Very Bad Joke!! 
) and Elizabeth, Countess Bathory who used to bathe in the blood of Virgins (Apparently she did it to keep herself young!! Of course Anti Wrinkle cream would have probably been a lot more effective and legal 
)
WHATEVER! It’s all made up, vampires aren’t real. And as far as “re-VAMPing” how about an original idea? I hardly consider sparkling creative. Sparkling. Hmm. Yeah. Ooh, and a werewolf and a vampire are totally going to go to the same high school and fall in love with the same girl who wears the same stupid expression on her face all day long. Good nite.
Nothing against Twilight (just the obsessive fangirls), but I prefer a more realistic vampire.
Like the ones in Supernatural. They’re not pure evil, but they’re not pure good either. They aren’t tight to the “accepted” vampire lore, but then again, stories of vampires weren’t exactly very clear in the first place.
But please, girls at my school: Stop it. It’s sickening. You’re fawning over a person that isn’t real. Robert Pattinson is not really Edward.
“realistic” “vampire” ?
Puh-leez.
Bwahaha! I live near Forks, Wa, and the police protecting him was ridiculous. The girls acted like obnoxious trash, and no guy wants to be seen with *let alone marry* some girl that doesn’t know when to take a hint or quit publicly humiliating herself. Thank God he was polite enough to not rip them a new one every time he got interrupted or jumoed on.
In Twilight, Edward’s family forgoes drinking human blood because they believe it’s wrong. I’d call that not being pure evil. They aren’t tight to the accepted vampire lore… hello sparkling.
Soooo… what do Supernatural vampires have over Twilight vampires?
And like 4 said, “realistic vampire”? They’re made up! It doesn’t get more unreal than that.
Can I propose that “realistic fictional creatures” are ones that conform to a consistent set of (meta)physical, biological etc laws for the world they live in? For example (I’m not a big fan of vampire movies) Aliens (Alien3 apart) and Predators always work pretty much the same way in films (never mind how bad some of the films are; the creatures have the same biology, “honour code” (Preds only) etc). What they don’t do is have a “deus ex machina” ramp up of their powers to suit a plot.
If either or both of Supernatural and Twilight conform to that basic rule then I’d say they’re realistic.
I’m not sure Twilight is that original though. I’d need to check copyright dates, but I think Joss Whedon (Buffy, Angel) and Terry Pratchett (Discworld) intorduced the idea of vampires living by their own moral code first.
Pretty much the suspension of disbelief is what works as realism in fiction.
If you bend reality for a second to make an undead creature that feeds on blood, then it is reasonable to believe that there are some kind of detrimental effects to go with the power.
Can we name one penalty or drawback for being a Twilight vampire? In light of that, if there is no drawback for being a vampire, then why be depressed?
You’re a beautiful immortal who is only more beautiful in daylight. You can nibble on some critters for sustenance and never grow old. You have powers beyond the ken of mortals with little to no repercussions.
The Xenomorphs were believable because they were a horrid unknown with direct correlation to a lot of terrible things on our own planet but they were mortal.
The Predators were believable because they are an alien race with an amoral sense of honor. They were capable of great and terrible things but it all lay within the realm of reasonable belief and they were mortal.
Twilight functions under the assumption that you can be an immortal with amazing powers and beauty without much in the way of a penalty or even a curse, which is what the base idea of vampirism was about. Vampirism has always been enticing because of the sacrifice and taboo. The stranger in the night, the exchange of fluids, the power and mystery of an immortal life away from the sun. Or it was a dreadful curse to terrify the living and damn those under its sway.
So yes, Twilight lacks that believable suspension of disbelief because why should Edward be depressed? He is an immortal with little to no drawbacks or even worries. Hell, his existence isn’t even a curse and he can bestow that on others if he wants some more buddies. His existence isn’t damned. Hell, sign me up for that “Damnation.” I can endure nibbling on some cow every so often in exchange for epicness with no damn penalty.
Vampirism held the suspension of disbelief because the power came with a price, a steep and unimaginable price.
But that is my humble thinking, so take it for what you will.
I’d never be so kind as you. Twilight was Mary Sue fiction, plain and simple. That’s enough to make it absolute garbage. Stephanie Meyer writes like a sex-deprived fat adolescent girl. And the movie was just as unbearable as her books, which I am surprised she actually found a publisher who would even grace these horrible books with an actual chance at publication.
As far as vampire stories go, it fails at vampires if they can’t even hold true to the normal vampire mythos. Sparkling in the damn sunlight? I half expected Meyer to write Barbie into the damn story it was so freakishly (And badly.) tween-oriented.
For a real vampire story, I like to recommend anything Underworld. Definitely *not* Twilight. For a romance, just about anything not Twilight is better (Heck, Underworld has shades of romance through it, but it doesn’t become the whole bloody theme of it, instead they actually had a plot to speak of, as opposed to Stephanie Meyer’s clearly masturbatory and self-serving love fantasy.).
For tween stories, I’m sure Twilight is still subpar, though I’m hardly an expert on what preteens and young teens actually like. I’m sure teenagers 16 and up probably don’t take stories like Twilight seriously, though I might be overestimating the average teenager these days. Hell, by the time I was 14, I was reading the Dune series. You know, REAL books where a character reaches supposedly godlike abilities, then begins to see by the third book the real disadvantages and problems with their “gift.” Twilight offers none of this. Sparkling, invincible vampires who have only maybe one of the weaknesses (Getting burned.) of “real” vampires.
I definitely hate Mary Sue fiction like Twilight, but lacking of any actual plot depth really kills a story for me. Even worse when the characters act so one dimensional.
Stephen King was completely justified in saying Meyer couldn’t write. In fact, he was being extremely kind to Meyer. I personally believe a “lesser” writer would have spared no insult and called her a talentless Mary Sue writer who would probably be better off writing fanfiction instead of wasting a publisher’s money on her tripe.
The sad thing is that I don’t mind a powerful character if they actually have some sort of depth or at least some sort of charm to their personality. Edward just comes across as a walking projected sexual insecurity… Which is probably the source of his popularity.
I’ve said this many times before but when I was in college, I was told that if we wanted to make millions, we just needed to cater to a 14yr old girl mentality. Yes, girls, because they will hit the theaters over and over and over again for the same movie consistently where it is hit or miss with boys of the same age.
But you pretty much nailed it. It is mainstreamed fan fiction.
Though I wouldn’t necessarily blame the publisher. Meyers gave them a golden goose for a demographic that is ravenous and obsessed with money to spend and a willingness to spend and spend.
I would hate myself but in their shoes, I probably would have bought the golden goose too and milked it for every disgustingly cash flushed egg.
I thought this was hilarious. But then, up until yesterday, I had no idea who Cullen and Bella were. Yes, I do live under a rock.
That’s cool, I live two hours from where the movie was filmed, and until last week, I had never seem it or touched one of the books. Sometimes, ignorance IS bliss.
“Aliens, fugitives, convicted women…”? Does that mean they were convicted of being a woman, like a convicted rapist?
I think it just means that it was a woman being convicted of a crime…
… but I don’t get to see a lot of movies, so your guess is as good as mine OwO
It’s a reference to a movie staring him and Ashley Judd called Double Jeopardy. She was convicted of killing her husband (which the husband faked). When she got out on parole, she found him and… I won’t ruin it if you haven’t seen it. TLJ was her parole officer.
The character was very similar to his character in The Fugutive and US Marshals. I love TLJ, so to me it was a good movie. Typical role for him, but oh well. He does it so well; I must agree with others that have said before: TOMMY LEE JONES is the MAN!
Yeah and he also fights against cave ins for Japanese mining companies and the good of coffee all over Asia.
It started with the baby-boomers, then we had the x-generation, then the ‘y’ ~ perhaps this is the sparkly one… Just something to consider. *sigh*
Z as is ‘ZOMG YOU SPARKLE.’
WAAAH! i´m a retarded vampire fanboy who can´t let go of the fact that not all versions of a fictional character are the same!
honestly, so he sparkles… get over it! not like dracula was very original either.
omg!!!! that’s great!!!
Still waiting to see a “Twilight” joke which *doesn’t* get Kelly and the rest of the TwilTard Dittoheads swarming in to post all their whiny “How come you have to keep dissing ‘Twilight’?” and “We like our sparkly vampires!” comments…
“honestly, so he sparkles… get over it!”
Honestly, so we think sparkly vampires (and their obsessive fans) are silly… Get over it!
oh I like this one
Me too!
Simply love the picture. I too think that sparkling vampires are kind of gay, but hey, there are worse things in life to complain about
Anyway, the picture is great and the face of tommy… pure genius
priceless *rofl
Twilight reference aside (though I do agree it’s getting a little old, it still gets me every time), Tommy Lee Jones is the MAN. He was filming a new movie next door to my office on Monday, and he was like 10 feet away from me! I was a little star-struck to be honest haha
Whatever you do… Don’t hump him. I hear that gets annoying when strangers do it.
I don’t generally find Mr. Jones to be hump-able, but he looked like he was in such a bad mood that I was afraid to smile and wave. I just kind of gaped at him.
Yes, a vacant staring expression should be sufficient. Carry on. *salutes*
It’s not so much the written punchline that makes me laugh, it’s that serious, though sarcastic look on his face that pretty much says: ‘My mother always told me not to hit oversensitive bloodcraving, nightcrawling predators, so now go away before I go Men In Black on your behind’
Much better caption idea…
too good. . . .too good!
Stepenie Meyer didn’t so anything to ” insult ” vampires from the past. She simply took vampires and changed them into something totally different that satisfied people so much. They sparkle, big deal! They can read minds, so what?! There isn’t anything bad with the Twilight series. I have to admit, the movie was not good at all. The book, on the other hand, was written very well. A few things I didn’t think was right. . .But you couldn’t put it down. But thats my opinoin. Not everyone in the world is going to enjoy Twilight.
totally agree man!
Most women I’ve heard discussing it have far more problem with the unsubtle “stalking = LUV” undertones than the sparklevamps. The sparklevamp aspect is just easier to mock.
However, if some guy was sabotaging my car, breaking into my room at night, and trying to tell me who I was *allowed* to be friends with, I’d be borrowing Officer Dad’s sidearm in order to show Lover Boy the error of his ways.
If these books were at all well-written, Edward’s behavior would be shown for the obsessive control-freak manipulation that it is, rather than be held up as OMGsoROMANTIC!!!
I´m pretty sure the books are very good. Even though I´ve never red one and probably never will. It´s just not my kind of story.
Did I mentioned that I actually hate Harry Potter? Books and movies? But they are made damn good 
But the movie simply sucks.
Let´s compare this to Hairy Potter. Books are good movies are good. That´s how to do it. (And NO, I am NOT a Harry Potter fan, I just try to be objective. And I have no problem to say that something is really good even though I don´t like it ´cause it doesn´t match with my definition of intelligence, humor, style and whatsoever). Narf, think you get my point
And this is still a classic in light of all of the Sparkling Vampire lolz. This one still makes me laugh when I show it to others who’ve yet to read it.
I think sparkling vampires are a super idea!
even though i am a pubicly known loving fan of Twilight (the book, not really the movie) i think this lol celebs is actually pretty funny
=]
Love it. I hate twilight.
Twilight is a piece of crap. No offense, my twitard friends, but edward doesnt exist, and if he did, I would get to him with a sharpened knife (scew the never die thing) before you could et to him with an engagement ring. -_-”
Ladies, Gents, we may differ in opinion about Twilight – but I think we can agree that Tommy Lee Jones kicks ass. He simply will not take your crap.
Who said it was okay? I didn’t say it was okay. It also isn’t the topic of conversation. I smell a strawman and it is rather pointless. Take your insecurity elsewhere unless you plan to bring up an actual example instead of a vague comparison, since last I checked, we still mocked 40yr old men in parental basements…
To sum up: We mock Meyer because she is a twit not because she is a woman. Being a twit isn’t gender specific.
Wow, I wasn’t personally attacking YOU. I have some Midol, if you’d like.
No, if you were attacking him he would have said “ad hominem” not “strawman.”
Precisely, thank you.
Yes. Thank you. Meyers is a twit who think she can write and her publisher didn’t have the balls to tell her this because Twilight is a cash cow.
Damn devil money… *fist shaking*